Where do you derive your source of happiness?
What does it mean to even be happy? Do a lot of us know anymore, or are we too busy trying to survive that we have lost touch with that?
I remarked the other day that if the me from twenty years ago met the me from today, once of us would assume the other had a stroke. My personality is completely different, to the point where you would say I did a complete 180. My politics are different, my desires are different, what is important to me is different. I used to desire a mountain house with a big garage, a big woodworking shop, and peace and quiet. That is not who I am anymore, or at least now. I want to be around people (if maybe not yet to the point of heavy interaction), I want to be in an urban environment, I don’t care a ton about woodworking anymore, and I don’t care a ton about driving.
One would ask why? My kids played a big role in a lot of my personality changing, I suppose. Things that did not even approach my radar are now priorities. Starting to see the world played a big role. Seeing that the way I lived was not the only way, and very likely not the best way, prompted a drastic change.
So, what makes me happy these days? Well, I suppose I should start with what makes me a bit unhappy. And this isn’t meant to be a complaint post at all. I don’t enjoy driving everywhere anymore is the huge one. Having to shuttle my kids and myself around everywhere this summer has really shown me just how car dependent we are. You leave the house, you get in a vehicle. And paying to fill up two vehicles has hurt as well. What helps to remedy this? Living in a more urban environment where I have more options how to get places. In the meantime, until I can accomplish that, I have to look for alternate forms of transportation that I can use. I have been walking to the closest town on Saturday mornings for coffee. I’ve been looking into e-bikes and e-scooters to go other places.
The weather makes me unhappy. I’ve never liked summer, and wish I could live somewhere with a cooler climate. I’d like to marry the solution to this with the solution above, but this takes time. I have to be patient, and just try to get by the best I can. Chicago, Toronto, London are all high on the wishlist for relocation. These all require a good bit of money, though. Maybe these places also have less mosquitos.
My working environment has made me unhappy, but I am happy to say that this is an area I’ve made some good strides in addressing. I have set up an auxiliary area downstairs where multiple people can lounge and do activities, and just the other day I worked down here for most of the day. I work from a coffee shop on Monday (and some Thursday) mornings, which gives me some social presence. The next thing to work on is making another upgrade to my desk, getting it in order with the visual and tactile changes I want. A new desk mat, moving the consoles maybe off the desk, at some point getting a standing desk base. Some colors would be nice as well, maybe a nice blue desk mat. I’d also like to improve the cleanliness of the desk, which means I should reevaluate my controller and handheld console storage. Some drawer liner or dividers would likely also help, and I need to find a home for both of my book bags. A big thing I need to figure out is a neat way to keep everything charged.
What makes me unhappy is the fact that my weight has been going up, and it’s been hard to address. I’ve identified some of a solution, and hopefully I can be more mindful of this going forward. I don’t think I’ll get back to my weight loss rate of 2019, but seeing the number start going down again would be great.
There’s lots of things in my life that make me happy, but what I need to do here is allow them to do so. To not dwell on the negatives, to let the positives have more of an impact on my life while continuing to work to improve. I’m not perfect, my life isn’t going to be perfect. I just have to I guess survive and advance.